Things have not been happening between Nancy and I lately. And by things, I mean sex, and I am feeling unbelievably sexually frustrated.
The other night I took her out for dinner, she has a glass of wine, and she let’s slip that I don’t do it for her in bed. What?! Here she is, getting clingier and clingier, and apparently I don’t do it for her. Clearly, sex is not on her agenda as much as she had led me to believe or she would have brought it up before now.
So of course, like any decent partner, I ask her what she would like me to do differently. Apparently, penetration and clitoral stimulation do very little for her. She tells me that she wants me to focus on her neck and back and slow down a little. No problem. I actually prefer to slow down a bit; the only reason I hadn’t was because I tend to take more time to climax than my partners. Now that I know what does it for her, maybe things will turn out differently, right?
That night, she gets into bed naked, clearly with the intention of having sex, so I do exactly what she asked me to do. I take my time; I focus on her neck and back; she writhes, clearly enjoying it. Then she starts to tickle me. What the hell? OK, I can see how maybe it could be flirtatious, but she isn’t ticklish, and I wasn’t touched much as a child so I am sensitive to an extreme. I try to stop her, but she keeps coming at me, tickling me over and over again. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to get the mood back.
Then last night she starts playing with me under the covers. Clearly she’s in the mood so I try again. And again, I’m taking my time, caressing her neck and back, kissing her, she’s clearly enjoying it, and then…she falls asleep. What the hell am I doing wrong?
So what does any of this have to do jealousy? Well, she’s been quite upfront with the fact that her previous fuckbuddy, whom she is still buddies with, was able to satisfy her. Here I am, baffled at how to please her, and she’s rubbing this in my face.
I am pissed.
My whole adult life has been filled with sexual frustration. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 22, and even then my girlfriend lost interest soon thereafter. I think we had sex three times total. Then I only had a couple other girlfriends between then and when I married, and my ex-wife only wanted sex once or twice a month. Meanwhile, I’ve been masturbating at least once a day since I was 12. I just can’t figure out how to get satisfied.
I am so jealous of the guys with the experience that I’m lacking. It’s been an insecurity of mine for such a long time, and it’s devastating to have it rubbed in my face the way Nancy did. Don’t get me wrong; I know she was only trying to relate that there are ways that she can be satisfied, but how is that supposed to make me feel?
And here’s the thing: I think one of the main reasons women (including Nancy) are drawn to me is because I’m not interested in just sex. One of my big appeals is probably that I want to get to know my partners in more than the biblical sense, and when they realize that I’m sincere in that they completely lose interest in me sexually. Every woman I meet wants to be my friend, but none of them want anything more, and I am so goddamned sick of being everyone’s shoulder to cry on when the guy they’re fucking decides to chase tail somewhere else.
How lame am I for being jealous of those assholes?
I am so jealous of those of you who get your fill of sex, who are able to attract women sexually, who have women interested in a relationship beyond platonism. I keep drawing more and more of women toward me and I still can’t get laid to save my life…even when I’m sleeping with one.
Clearly this relationship is not working for me and I know I deserve better. I’m breaking up with her as soon as she moves out at the end of the month.
cloying crimson
