Well, I’m going to the poly meeting tonight. I thought for sure I’d have someone to bring with me this time, but I guess not. Actually, I don’t really even want to go right now, but I think I’ll find myself regretting it later if I don’t. At the very least, it’s a good excuse to go get a yummy cobb salad.
In a previous comment, NK shares that s/he believes that the best course of action is not to rush into any relationships, and that got me thinking. I have to disagree. In my 27 years, I have never–not once–had love just come along and find me. Heaven knows I wish it worked that way, but I don’t think I’m someone that these things happen to. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I don’t really fit in anywhere; maybe I’m unapproachable; maybe I just have a limited circle of friends or acquaintances. Whatever it is, I think that the whole idea of waiting for love, or anything for that matter, is crap.
I really don’t want to discount what NK said, though. Maybe that really does work for some of you. If it does, you have to tell me your secret because I am baffled.
If I want something, I have to go after it. Nothing ever comes if I wait. If I’m lucky, maybe a woman will strike up a conversation once a month or so, which means I’m always the initiator. Then, no matter how flirtatious our exchange, it ends there if I don’t act on it and get her number or plan another meeting. Still, even at that point, I’ll never get a second date if I don’t plan it. Every step along the way has to be deliberate, and whenever I’ve backed off, it inevitably signaled the end of the relationship. Love never just came to me; I always had to pursue it.
I have rushed into relationships before, and I freely admit that NK was right about how hollow and lonely I came to feel after a while. I’m not sure how much of that has been my bipolar cycle hitting a low and how much has been due to the rushing nature, but to be perfectly honest I’m not sure how to do it any other way. Once someone has established herself as my friend, our relationship never goes any further. Then again, maybe I misunderstand completely.
How does one let love find them?
(By the way, thanks for sharing, NK!)
one endless possibility
