I have yet another problem in finding a potential partner: I have the misfortune of being a critical thinker, and I think critically about everything. Every word or idea that comes my way gets painstakingly scrutinized (and yes that includes what goes on in my head, too). I’m perfectly happy to bite my lip when I’m with strangers, but the more time you spend with me, the more you’re going to hear me challenge you.
A lot of people can’t handle my challenges, though. I often unintentionally come across as condescending or antagonistic. On the other side of things, if someone can’t meet my challenges or isn’t willing to sway when struck head on by irrefutable logic, then I really do have a hard time with respect, and we all know that respect is crucial in any relationship.
Worse yet is when someone feels like they have to consistently qualify their intelligence, which happens a lot because people feel it necessary to defend themselves when they interpret my criticisms as attacks. If you’re really as smart as you say you are, then just be who you are naturally and that should be sufficient. There’s no need to champion your past actions to earn respect. I will respect you more for meeting me on my level in a conversation than going on and on about how you were reading Shakespeare in fifth grade. Believe me, I have plenty of “brain cred” that I could throw your way, myself, but I’m not going to waste my time trying to affect your perception of me. Think what you want; I want my words and actions to speak for themselves.
but one sundering word
June 25, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Try to balance when you are critically thinking and when you are over thinking. When you over think you chose a side and stick to it. To critically think you need to remain objective.
I have the same problems some times. I like to show people the other side of something to allow them to be clear what side they are on. Many times it has lead to people misunderstanding where I stand on the issue. And many a time I have come off like a know it all ass, totally unintentional on my part. It is just easier to argue a point if you are clear on your points.
To avoid frustration with others, I am waiting a bit until I know them, and then I ask if they like to debate things out. Each person has a level of debating in them.