My sex life drives me absolutely insane, primarily because I’m insatiable. I wish there was some great medical term to define it, but you can’t call me a nymphomaniac because I function just fine dispite the lack of gratification. At most, you could call me hypersexual, which as I mentioned previously is common in a lot of bipolar folks.
So I am recently separated. I have no plans to finish the legal divorce papers since it saves my ex a couple hundred dollars per month to stay on my insurance, but as far as I’m concerned we are, in fact, no longer married. (I don’t recognize the government’s authority to tell us when we are and are not committed.) So now, for the first time in a long time, I find myself mucking through the dating pool.
I was raised in a Mormon household and as you can imagine we never talked about sex. My parents and I never had “The Talk.” When I was 13 they gave me a book for 9 to 12 year olds, and that was the closest I ever got. This, and I had already started masterbating at age 12. Imagine my surprise years later when I realized it was a “sin.” (By the way, I stopped believing in the church way before that.) Of course, I didn’t know that because my parents never talked about it. In fact, all this faux pas surrounding it, among other factors, scared me from dating until I was 22.
Now when I was 22, I went through women fast. I wanted to find the one quickly, and my primary motivation was to fulfill this damn need of mine. I’ve had only five sexual partners, which seems like very few considering that my drive is way, way, way higher than most people. However, marriage didn’t help, either. I’ve been wanting to really explore sex with someone. I want to find someone that will really get into it with me and not just lay there. I want to play with BDSM and toys and other kink, and I want someone that can be emotionally connected with me, someone that I can truly “make love” with. And most of all I want to have someone to rely on when it’s all done.
So now that I’m single, finding this person has become an obsession, and I don’t know where to look. The Internet has been my primary focus because I can gauge very quickly how open people are about their sexuality. Plus, I loathe the bar/club scene, and I know I’d never meet anyone compatible there. I’ve met a couple people online that seem promising, but to date I’ve had no luck. This is just another reason why I find the need to escape into my games. If I didn’t have video games to fall back on, my lust would drive me insane.
…my angry angel…
